Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Diaries - A gentle whisper

So you may have heard people say that God sometimes whispers your name, as a mum of two rumbustious boys I find it well hard to think that that is even possible - particularly first thing in the morning. But we all know miracle are possible (especially at Christmas time) and this morning it happened...

Life as a mumtrepreneur is not an easy road, and this is why I intitially started this blog, to somehow keep a diary of how things are going. I don't think I have truly reflected that yet so here is a good start. I will never forget my manager telling me after I had just started back on a 4 day week job after just having Matthew, that you will never feel like you are a good enough mum, a good enough wife, good enough worker. I think this is not all together true as I do believe you can feel satisfaction, but this highlighted a very important aspect of motherhhood. The split of your time, better yet the split of you!

God created woman last, as creation started and continued it got more and more beautiful and complex, and it ended with us. Food for thought?

Running a business from home just add's one more complexity and puts more strain on the division of a woman. I remember shortly after having my first "free time" once both boys were at kindy and preschool and struggling to hold a conversation with another mum, this we soon realised was due to the fact that we are constantly drawn away from whatever we are doing to tend to a little one or do something else which in turn leaves us mid sentence.

It also put's a huge amount of strain on every relationship in your life let alone the house, finding brain space time is very likely the most common issue as this is constantly taken over by the entrepreneur thinking of new or better ideas for the business. So what I tend to slip into is the idea of loved ones much like children just interrupting when they need attention and then I can flick my switch and do my duty. This is the start of a crack that come an earthquake will easily result in a huge gaping hole!

So this morning as I lay in bed with the boys bouncing around I remembered yesterday while we were visiting 2 elderly ladies from our church, getting Luke to tell them what the fruits of the Spirit where. Luke recently started at a Christian preschool 2 minutes down the road. I love that he has exposure to this from a young age but I think the convenience of it being so close was the pulling factor for me if I am honest!

The first term focused on the fruits of the Spirit and so each time he learnt a new one it opened up great opportunity to teach them what that truly meant, I have quickly adapted a new parenting technique: when I see him acting unkindly - getting him to stop and tell me the fruits of the spirit, emphasizing which one he is clearly lacking in. Yes I know full on for a 2 year old.

So after yet another very strained relationship day, I lay in bed this morning thinking about the fruits of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace; patience; kindness; goodness; faithfulness; gentleness and self control. I could almost hear a car screeching it's breaks as the penny dropped. How could I be teaching my kids that this is the behaviour we should aspire to when I myself was so clearly lacking. Log in eye. And that is when it happened ...

Like a gentle whisper I heard the words "slow to anger" I found myself thinking "Is that one of the fruits?" Going through them again, no, it must be another scripture.

In came the normal wake up call of the mother and entrepreneur, kids breakfast, evaluate (eye scanning) cleanliness of the house mmm not bad today, let light in, check bank account , check for parcels, COFFEE, make up a cookie mix for a present, warm up coffee,  shower oh and the best part is bathroom time with God.

I have a devotional Bible with days of the week marked out throughout the Bible with a scripture reading and devotion Monday - Friday. So I open on Thursday -  I don't remember reading yesterday but I turn to Friday anyhow.

I had a sneaky feeling that I was going to read something relevant to my eye opening discovery this morning. Something about being a good wife and mother no doubt but the reading was from Joel 2 entitled an Army of Locust's and started with very descriptive story of a battle. mmm Oh well, I will keep reading just in case and there it was in vs 13 "Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love"

How does God talk to us? Just like this! I was in tears in the shower after realising that the gentle whisper was God. God actually spoke to me amidst  my busy morning, he chose me? The woman who so often is not kind, gentle or self controlled and this week particularly not slow to anger. This immediately recalls an early reading this week entitled Real Joy - knowing the depth of your sin and knowing you are forgiven and loved.

1 comment:

  1. <3 it Kirsty! I can so relate! I pray you hear more and more of his gentle whispers! Merry Christmas xxx